The Top 5 Jason-Bourne-Improvised Weapons

I have waited a year and a half for this day - The day The Bourne Ultimatum comes out. A fitting conclusion for the film series that kicked the spy genre in the balls and kept on kicking until it keeled over and gave painful birth to the wonderful "Casino Royale."

One of the best things about the Bourne films is the way that Bourne uses whatever random items that are at his disposal to serve his own ends. But unlike Jackie Chan, who does the same thing in a comical fashion, Bourne's ingenuity usually doesn't provoke laughter; it provokes a fear that would shake you to your core if you were a rival henchman/assassin. Here are the top 5 Jason-Bourne-improvised weapons:

1) Hardcover Book - (Bourne Ultimatum)

(photo by Rupert Jetson, via CC)

Just because you can use a book to educate yourself doesn't mean you can't use it to brutally injure someone. For obvious reasons, I don't have a video or screen grab of this one yet, but you can catch a glimpse of this bit in the trailer for the film:

Update: footage of fight scene found! Here you go:

The Bourne Ultimatum - Bourne And Desh Fight

2) Pen - (Bourne Identity)

(photo by realblades, via CC)

Picture this scene: You've lost your memory and you're visiting your posh apartment with a quasi-cute girl. All of a sudden, a trained assassin rappels through the window with an automatic weapon and starts shooting the shit out of everything. What do you do?

If you're like me, you'd cower in a corner and wet yourself, waiting for your inevitable demise. But if you're Jason Bourne, you grab a bic and cram it into the guy's fist. Because nothing says "deadly weapon" like a $.07 bic pen:


(To get to the fight scene, fast forward past the first 7 minutes of this video)

3) Magazine - (Bourne Supremacy)

(photo by ktpupp, via CC)

I never thought I would see a magazine used as a weapon in a fight scene, but Bourne doesn't just use it to beat the guy senseless: He also uses the magazine to blow up the guy's house afterwards. I pray that the real CIA trains our assassins to be this creative.



4) Electrical Cord - (Bourne Supremacy)

(photo by pollas, via CC)

(Same scene/video as above) After a brutal, messy, magazined fight, Bourne barely pulls off the win by grabbing a nearby electrical cord and depriving his enemy of life-giving oxygen. Good thing IKEA makes those lamp cords durable.


5) Vodka - (Bourne Supremacy)

(photo by notfilc, via CC)

Few people remember that before partaking in one of the most memorable car chase scenes in the last decade, Jason Bourne utilized a bottle of vodka to do two things: 1) Disinfect a gunshot wound, and 2) temporarily blind a Russian policeman, right before taking out the guy's partner with some martial arts. Badass.



Update: The comments on this post have been great and greatly appreciated. In light of the interest this post has generated, I thought I'd throw up the following:

Honorable mentions - items that Bourne used creatively, but not as actual weapons

Nondescript aerosol can - (Bourne Ultimatum)

(Photo by chuckumentary, via CC)

So a whole fleet of policemen are after you as you're walking through a crowded marketplace. If you're Bourne, it ain't no problem. Just grab a can off of a table and use that "Contents under pressure" label to your advantage.

Guy's Carcass - (Bourne Identity)

(Photo by Free Sample, via CC)

When you're taking out secret agents in a manner that forces you to fall several stories , there's nothing quite like a guy's chest cavity to shield you from the impact. Thanks Anonymous commenter!

Oscillating Fan and Flashlight - (Bourne Ultimatum)

(Photo by feaverish, via CC)

(Photo by something in my eye, via CC)

If you've seen Ultimatum, you know how awesome this scene is. If you haven't, then I don't want to spoil the surprise.

Towel and candlestick - (Bourne Ultimatum)

(Photo by YivaS via CC)

(photo by Kreg, via CC)

From the now-famous fight scene with "asset" Desh, Bourne uses these items to temporarily help him against his Blackbriar super agent nemesis. But honestly, the book was really the most painful of them all; the packed crowd that I saw the film with collectively cringed every time he shoved that thing into Desh's neck. Brutal.

[Update: This post has been mentioned on several sites, including Gorillamask, Digg, Neatorama, and Defamer - Thanks to everyone for visiting! Here are a couple of more clips to get you in the mood for "The Bourne Ultimatum," or if you've already seen it, to remind you how awesome this whole series is:

Bourne escapes:


Bourne takes down consulate rep and hacks his phone:


Bourne Identity Car Chase:


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[Note: All photos are from Flickr, via Creative Commons, and link back to their original photo pages]