Friday, August 03, 2007

The Top 5 Jason-Bourne-Improvised Weapons

I have waited a year and a half for this day - The day The Bourne Ultimatum comes out. A fitting conclusion for the film series that kicked the spy genre in the balls and kept on kicking until it keeled over and gave painful birth to the wonderful "Casino Royale."

One of the best things about the Bourne films is the way that Bourne uses whatever random items that are at his disposal to serve his own ends. But unlike Jackie Chan, who does the same thing in a comical fashion, Bourne's ingenuity usually doesn't provoke laughter; it provokes a fear that would shake you to your core if you were a rival henchman/assassin. Here are the top 5 Jason-Bourne-improvised weapons:

1) Hardcover Book - (Bourne Ultimatum)

(photo by Rupert Jetson, via CC)

Just because you can use a book to educate yourself doesn't mean you can't use it to brutally injure someone. For obvious reasons, I don't have a video or screen grab of this one yet, but you can catch a glimpse of this bit in the trailer for the film:

Update: footage of fight scene found! Here you go:

The Bourne Ultimatum - Bourne And Desh Fight

2) Pen - (Bourne Identity)

(photo by realblades, via CC)

Picture this scene: You've lost your memory and you're visiting your posh apartment with a quasi-cute girl. All of a sudden, a trained assassin rappels through the window with an automatic weapon and starts shooting the shit out of everything. What do you do?

If you're like me, you'd cower in a corner and wet yourself, waiting for your inevitable demise. But if you're Jason Bourne, you grab a bic and cram it into the guy's fist. Because nothing says "deadly weapon" like a $.07 bic pen:

(To get to the fight scene, fast forward past the first 7 minutes of this video)

3) Magazine - (Bourne Supremacy)

(photo by ktpupp, via CC)

I never thought I would see a magazine used as a weapon in a fight scene, but Bourne doesn't just use it to beat the guy senseless: He also uses the magazine to blow up the guy's house afterwards. I pray that the real CIA trains our assassins to be this creative.

4) Electrical Cord - (Bourne Supremacy)

(photo by pollas, via CC)

(Same scene/video as above) After a brutal, messy, magazined fight, Bourne barely pulls off the win by grabbing a nearby electrical cord and depriving his enemy of life-giving oxygen. Good thing IKEA makes those lamp cords durable.

5) Vodka - (Bourne Supremacy)

(photo by notfilc, via CC)

Few people remember that before partaking in one of the most memorable car chase scenes in the last decade, Jason Bourne utilized a bottle of vodka to do two things: 1) Disinfect a gunshot wound, and 2) temporarily blind a Russian policeman, right before taking out the guy's partner with some martial arts. Badass.

Update: The comments on this post have been great and greatly appreciated. In light of the interest this post has generated, I thought I'd throw up the following:

Honorable mentions - items that Bourne used creatively, but not as actual weapons

Nondescript aerosol can - (Bourne Ultimatum)

(Photo by chuckumentary, via CC)

So a whole fleet of policemen are after you as you're walking through a crowded marketplace. If you're Bourne, it ain't no problem. Just grab a can off of a table and use that "Contents under pressure" label to your advantage.

Guy's Carcass - (Bourne Identity)

(Photo by Free Sample, via CC)

When you're taking out secret agents in a manner that forces you to fall several stories , there's nothing quite like a guy's chest cavity to shield you from the impact. Thanks Anonymous commenter!

Oscillating Fan and Flashlight - (Bourne Ultimatum)

(Photo by feaverish, via CC)
(Photo by something in my eye, via CC)

If you've seen Ultimatum, you know how awesome this scene is. If you haven't, then I don't want to spoil the surprise.

Towel and candlestick - (Bourne Ultimatum)

(Photo by YivaS via CC)
(photo by Kreg, via CC)

From the now-famous fight scene with "asset" Desh, Bourne uses these items to temporarily help him against his Blackbriar super agent nemesis. But honestly, the book was really the most painful of them all; the packed crowd that I saw the film with collectively cringed every time he shoved that thing into Desh's neck. Brutal.

[Update: This post has been mentioned on several sites, including Gorillamask, Digg, Neatorama, and Defamer - Thanks to everyone for visiting! Here are a couple of more clips to get you in the mood for "The Bourne Ultimatum," or if you've already seen it, to remind you how awesome this whole series is:

Bourne escapes:

Bourne takes down consulate rep and hacks his phone:

Bourne Identity Car Chase:


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Why Do Great Movies Get Terrible DVD Cover Art

[Note: All photos are from Flickr, via Creative Commons, and link back to their original photo pages]


Anonymous said...

Can't wait. Good article as well.

Anonymous said...

These Born movies rock. Identity: I believe the opponent's chest cavity used by Jason as a spring to break the fall through several flights of stairs is worth a memorable mention. Not a weapon, but still, an improv. device !

Anonymous said...

Thanks for the article. I watched "Bourne Ultimatum" today, and it was absolutely badass. I just liked it better than previous ones -- fantastic.

There is one more weapon to add, a towel. If you have watched the movie, right on the scene where he uses the book to fight the bad guy, he also uses a towel and it was one helluva awesome scene.

Anonymous said...

If I ever get to see this guy kill a man with a roll of toilet paper, I will admit he is a god.

Luke said...

I still think the best kill he ever made was in Ultimatum when he flooded the entire access tunnel at Novogrod to finally kill Carlos the Jackal (I'm referring to the original books here as well).

Anonymous said...

Can you replace the proprietary Adobe Flash files you've embedded into the page with standard content links to the image video or audio etc? You're excluding those of us who won't sell out from accessing your site atm!

glock78 said...

I fell asleep during Bourne Supremacy. Looking forward to that same catatonic effect in Bourne Ultimatum.

BTW... Did any of you guys actually read any of the Bourne books? THAT Bourne was badass. This Damon Bourne is... yawn.

And I find it strangely appropriate that something can be kicked in the balls to give birth to Casino Royale. Which is anything BUT "wonderful" but I find that the pain induced male parthenogenesis is a highly interesting concept.
I wonder what Daniel Craig gave birth to in Casino Royale? Orangutan triplets?

Irvan said...

i am very impressed with before the sequel. now, time for watching again the final. :D


vanillagorilla said...

In the words of Jason Mewes... "I think I just filled the cup"

Anonymous said...

He also uses a can of spray paint and a fire, more as a distraction than a weapon, but sweet nonetheless

Anonymous said...

Much of these improvised weapon ideas come not from the Bourne series of books but from two Trevanian sources; Shibumi and the Sanction series [Eiger Sanction, Loo Sanction, and so on].

With that in mind, the Bourne films are an epiphany of what the secret agent genre should have always been before the post-Connery Bonds turned these films into cartoons.

Cheops said...

Technically the SUV at the end of Bourne Supremacy counts as an improvised weapon, as it was the only thing he had at his disposal yet he used it to kill the living heck out of someone.

Kevin said...

You know there was a law made making it illegal for American agencies to assassinate people. If this law is actually upheld or not I don't know. Maybe it was just made so the public thinks they don't.

Anonymous said...

The magazine isn't as creative as you may think. British soccer hooligans have been using tightly rolled newspapers as weapons for years now. So much so that some stadiums are banning newspapers, which seems weird at first.

Greg said...

where is your digg button?

Kristi said...

You know what's just as badass as the Bourne movies? That Matt Damon is fun and funny enough to do the "Guillermo as The Borne Ultimatum" skit for Kimmel. It makes me love him and the whole Borne franchise all the more!

Shatil said...

What phone does Bourne use in the Ultimatum? I can't seem to find anything on it.

I've been meaning to get a new phone for some years now, and this would be a good a time as any if I can get the model right.

- shatil

Anonymous said...

Really excellent article, but one note on reviewing the clips:

Jarda, in "The Bourne Supremacy", is the one that comes up with the electrical cord, using it on Bourne first

Bourne just turns it on him, as we might expect

It's an amazing and one of the most believable fight sequences from the films

He's at his best against his peers

Rosalyn said...

Excellent choices, Dave. Here via a friend from Livejournal, but I wanted to let you know that it was a great read.

Anonymous said...

Dude, it was a BIC!


That's unbelievably more bad-ass! Can you imagine the strenght and dexterity in perfurating flesh and bone with a f*&#ing BIC without breaking it!!?!?!?!?!

KatarĂ­na said...

Hi, great post, made me laugh. That hard cover book must be my favorite, but the other stuff is just as awesomely brilliant. Who wouldn't love that guy? I think I'm gonna go see Ultimatum again, so bye...

Tim.z said...

does anyone know what the device is that bourne uses to hijack the car in naples? send me an email if you know -

Anonymous said...

stimulated me a lot, a film that worth for repeated watching,and very exciting.

Anonymous said...

You're missing another Bourne improvised weapon. Remember in bourne ultimatum the car chase, Jason Bourne used the trunk of a police car to ram two cars. smart huh?

Enjoy Bourne said...

to TimZ...the device to hijack the car was from the agent he knocked down. Most everyone has the button until you see the car lights.
Read the books also everyone! They are great liek the movie.

Anonymous said...

The pen lives long in the memory, tht was, in the words of Peter Griffin, "Freakin sweet!"

Anonymous said...

the best movie ever made...
(love the soundtrack too)

Anonymous said...

I didnt think that bourne actually worked for the cia. i always thought he worked for an illegal association that trianed assassins.

Anonymous said...

Someone here asked about killing a man with a roll of toilet paper?
it takes a few moments prep time, but...
if you unroll two or three feet of toilet paper, braid it, repeat three or four times, and then braid those together, you have what is effectively a garrote.
the only drawback with toilet paper is that it is perforated adn can rip at the wrong places, so things like toothbrushes and hairdyers are better for inprov weapons. and as long as you're in the bathroom trying to strangle someone, grab a handtowel and twist it up... much, much better, i guarantee it.

Mary said...

Shatil wanted to know what phone Bourne was using in Ultimatum (although I think he uses it throughout the series). It's a motorola razr. I used to have one so I recognize it.

Shatil said...

Mary mentioned Bourne was using a RAZR. I looked into it (thank you HD-DVD! -- Ultimatum, 17:07ish); it's not a RAZR =/

The "assets" are using RAZR's, but not Bourne. Bourne gave reporter Simon Ross a Motorola SLVR, btw.

I can't tell what phone Bourne is using, but he seems to be sporting a wired Motorola headset.

Anonymous said...

The martial art he uses in most of the movies is similar to Krav Maga.

Anonymous said...

Glock 78 is a moron. Bourne isn't.

Have a wonderful day.