The Top 5 Jason-Bourne-Improvised Weapons

I have waited a year and a half for this day - The day The Bourne Ultimatum comes out. A fitting conclusion for the film series that kicked the spy genre in the balls and kept on kicking until it keeled over and gave painful birth to the wonderful "Casino Royale."

One of the best things about the Bourne films is the way that Bourne uses whatever random items that are at his disposal to serve his own ends. But unlike Jackie Chan, who does the same thing in a comical fashion, Bourne's ingenuity usually doesn't provoke laughter; it provokes a fear that would shake you to your core if you were a rival henchman/assassin. Here are the top 5 Jason-Bourne-improvised weapons:

1) Hardcover Book - (Bourne Ultimatum)

(photo by Rupert Jetson, via CC)

Just because you can use a book to educate yourself doesn't mean you can't use it to brutally injure someone. For obvious reasons, I don't have a video or screen grab of this one yet, but you can catch a glimpse of this bit in the trailer for the film:

Update: footage of fight scene found! Here you go:

The Bourne Ultimatum - Bourne And Desh Fight

2) Pen - (Bourne Identity)

(photo by realblades, via CC)

Picture this scene: You've lost your memory and you're visiting your posh apartment with a quasi-cute girl. All of a sudden, a trained assassin rappels through the window with an automatic weapon and starts shooting the shit out of everything. What do you do?

If you're like me, you'd cower in a corner and wet yourself, waiting for your inevitable demise. But if you're Jason Bourne, you grab a bic and cram it into the guy's fist. Because nothing says "deadly weapon" like a $.07 bic pen:


(To get to the fight scene, fast forward past the first 7 minutes of this video)

3) Magazine - (Bourne Supremacy)

(photo by ktpupp, via CC)

I never thought I would see a magazine used as a weapon in a fight scene, but Bourne doesn't just use it to beat the guy senseless: He also uses the magazine to blow up the guy's house afterwards. I pray that the real CIA trains our assassins to be this creative.



4) Electrical Cord - (Bourne Supremacy)

(photo by pollas, via CC)

(Same scene/video as above) After a brutal, messy, magazined fight, Bourne barely pulls off the win by grabbing a nearby electrical cord and depriving his enemy of life-giving oxygen. Good thing IKEA makes those lamp cords durable.


5) Vodka - (Bourne Supremacy)

(photo by notfilc, via CC)

Few people remember that before partaking in one of the most memorable car chase scenes in the last decade, Jason Bourne utilized a bottle of vodka to do two things: 1) Disinfect a gunshot wound, and 2) temporarily blind a Russian policeman, right before taking out the guy's partner with some martial arts. Badass.



Update: The comments on this post have been great and greatly appreciated. In light of the interest this post has generated, I thought I'd throw up the following:

Honorable mentions - items that Bourne used creatively, but not as actual weapons

Nondescript aerosol can - (Bourne Ultimatum)

(Photo by chuckumentary, via CC)

So a whole fleet of policemen are after you as you're walking through a crowded marketplace. If you're Bourne, it ain't no problem. Just grab a can off of a table and use that "Contents under pressure" label to your advantage.

Guy's Carcass - (Bourne Identity)

(Photo by Free Sample, via CC)

When you're taking out secret agents in a manner that forces you to fall several stories , there's nothing quite like a guy's chest cavity to shield you from the impact. Thanks Anonymous commenter!

Oscillating Fan and Flashlight - (Bourne Ultimatum)

(Photo by feaverish, via CC)

(Photo by something in my eye, via CC)

If you've seen Ultimatum, you know how awesome this scene is. If you haven't, then I don't want to spoil the surprise.

Towel and candlestick - (Bourne Ultimatum)

(Photo by YivaS via CC)

(photo by Kreg, via CC)

From the now-famous fight scene with "asset" Desh, Bourne uses these items to temporarily help him against his Blackbriar super agent nemesis. But honestly, the book was really the most painful of them all; the packed crowd that I saw the film with collectively cringed every time he shoved that thing into Desh's neck. Brutal.

[Update: This post has been mentioned on several sites, including Gorillamask, Digg, Neatorama, and Defamer - Thanks to everyone for visiting! Here are a couple of more clips to get you in the mood for "The Bourne Ultimatum," or if you've already seen it, to remind you how awesome this whole series is:

Bourne escapes:


Bourne takes down consulate rep and hacks his phone:


Bourne Identity Car Chase:


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Why Do Great Movies Get Terrible DVD Cover Art

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[Note: All photos are from Flickr, via Creative Commons, and link back to their original photo pages]

Weekend Web Finds: Amazing Samsung Dance

When humans come together and work towards a common cause, there's no limit to what we can do. Perhaps in time, if enough of us band together with a common vision, we can cure world hunger, poverty, and establish peace through all the nations.

In the meantime, here's an incredible dance that must have taken ages to choreograph. I think the results speak for themselves.

Weekend Web Finds: Independence Day Edition

Hey readers,

Sorry it's been slow to update lately. Things have been pretty crazy and my life circumstances have changed dramatically over the past week or so. But you probably don't want to hear about that.

For this weekend, I leave you with a 10-minute long, Dare-I-say "Edward R. Murrow-esque" attack on President Bush.



RSS Readers: Click here to go to the video.

And for no reason at all, here's another political video. This one's slightly more disturbing.

Live From Congress: Rep. Ingersoll's Murder of a Hobo

Most Incredible Breakdancing Video Ever

Sorry guys, I don't usually just post videos, but I could not pass this one up. This is footage from a "handicap dance competition" in which people with walking aids battle it out on the dance floor.

Incredible stuff and oddly inspiring.


Handicap Dance Competition - Watch more free videos

RSS readers, if you can't see the video, click on this link.

Weekend Web Finds: In Honor of iPhone Day

"The iPhone will do for phones what the iPod did for pods."


Classic Conan:


Super Deluxe:


College Humor's Take on Visual Voicemail:



College Humor's Take on the forthcoming Nuclear Holocaust:


NOT a parody - Guy Attempts to Steal iPhone, Gets Microphone Instead:

The Most Entertaining Digg Thread Ever.

[UPDATE: This post has been featured in webpronews! Thanks to writer Jason Lee Miller for bringing more attention to this blog, and to the unfortunate problem of ESL spammers. Also, the original thread on Digg has been removed, presumably because it violated Digg's TOS. All that remains of it is this screenshot above, and the quotes from the thread below. Enjoy.]

This morning, I was feeling curious so I started looking through other blogspot blogs that have been on Digg (using their search function). I noticed that ambatchmasterpublisher.blogspot.com had been submitted quite a few times.

Then I happened upon it. Possibly the most entertaining Digg thread ever.

This is what happens when a blogger gets too overzealous in promoting their blog on Digg. What apparently occurred is that the guy that runs ambatchmasterpublisher (a name so comically long and incomprehensible that I am shocked I myself can actually type the whole thing out) dugg one of his posts, then created dozens of accounts (or told his friends to create dozens of accounts), dugg himself in an attempt at making the front page, then left comments praising himself on the Digg thread.

There are a number of hilarious things about this situation, as well as one important lesson. First, the hilarity:

• The various ways in which the guy tries to disguise that he is not the person (or behind the person) making the comments. The wide variety of screennames is very impressive; I don't even think I could think up that many if I tried.
• The submitter's broken English leads to comments as diverse and amazing as:
  
• "absolutely on dot ... perfect http://ambatchmasterpublisheryoutubevideo.blogspot.com/"
• "Excellent"
• "lovely and extra ordinary site ... gr8 work"
• " GAF id is ggopi" [?????]
• "Hello How are you, Good design Sir"
• "This site looks cool and informative,Thanks for my friend to show the way..Cheers!"
• "This site made me puzzle at first.But when I came to know the depth meaning, I have become surprised with joy and thought how great it is. I well come the the "del.icio.us" site. All the best."
• The fact that the website itself has its own unweildy name plastered all over it...with links to itself. For seemingly no reason.
  

Anyway, the ultimate lesson in all of this? Don't try to game Digg, especially if you're doing it by yourself and in such an obvious way. It won't work, and you'll just end up humiliating yourself (also, you'll end up with a lot of worthless Digg accounts, not to mention the corresponding e-mail addresses that go along with each account).

The Top 5 Uncomfortable Viral Videos Featuring 2008 Presidential Candidates

I've written about the power of viral videos in the past but there's been so much more material even just between then and now that it warrants another post.

In the internet age, footage of presidential candiates can often come back to haunt them, or alternatively, can be remixed in ways that can be disquieting. In some instances, even videos the candidates approved of or produced themselves can fall into this category. Here are, in my opinion, the most disturbing, hilarious, uncomfortable internet videos featuring 2008 Presidential Candidates:

Mike Gravel's 2008 Campaign Video - In this movie, Mike Gravel stares frighteningly into the camera for a full minute, then throws a rock into a pond and walks away in the distance. To quote Jon Stewart, the message of this video is not so much "Vote for Mike Gravel," but rather, "After watching this movie, you will die in seven days."



Obama Girl - There's a popular adage is that voting is like masturbating: They're both best done alone. But with the Obama Girl video, these two famous pasttimes can now be combined.

The content of this video isn't as disturbing as the concept, in which an extremely beautiful woman sings of her undying love for Obama. Had this been done from scratch by a deliriously insane fan of Obama, it would be truly pertubing. However, the fact that it was conceived by an advertising executive makes it slightly more palatable. Nonetheless, we aren't used to seeing our presidents as sex objects, although it's been tried with mixed results in the past.



Hillary Clinton's Southern Accent - This cringe-inducing video made its rounds on the internet and on television. In it, Hillary is speaking at a church in Selma, Alabama and tries to adopt the tone of the author she's reading. The results were, at best, mixed. I defy you not to be uncomfortable when watching it:



Jon McCain sings Barbara Streisand - In a hilarious SNL sketch from 2002, McCain tries to perform some covers of Streisand's greatest hits. The results will haunt your dreams:



Rudy Giuliani in Drag - One of the men in this video wants to be your president. The other one makes more money in a day than you do in a year. I don't know why but every time I watch this, it sends a chill down my spine:


Can you think of any more? E-mail me at Davechensblog (at) Gmail and include the video, some back story, and your website (so I can link to you) and I'll update this post with the new video.

Web Finds: What Happens When You Drive a Truck 100mph And Fire A Ball Out The Back At 100 mph?

The answer may surprise you:



(via Reddit)

Gob Bluth vs. Actual Magicians

Gob Bluth is perhaps one of the best magicians in the history of magicians:





But how does he do against real-life magicians? Who is the better showman, the better performer, the better magician? Here are some famous clips that I like. You decide:

Teller performs "Shadows":


Lance Burton performs his famous dove trick:


My Favorite - David Copperfield sold his soul to the devil to do this trick:


Putting objects through glass - subtle but effective:


More objects through glass by David Blaine:


Penn and Teller perform the Bullet Catch:


Bonus Video: The Spirit of David Blaine

The Domino Effect: Variations on a Theme

What is it about the art of dominoes that continues to fascinate man? Is it the sense of accomplishment at creation, or the thrill of destruction? The hypnotic "clickety-clak" sound that dominoes make when they fall? The subtle visual changes that occur to the design of the massive setups?

Here are a few domino setups that I enjoy, but they're not just regular dominoes...each one has an interesting twist. Enjoy:

Dominoes with household items:

(From Youtube user DEdwood)

Pool + French + Dominoes = Awesome:

(From Youtube user RedneckHealthCOM)

Domino PCs:

(From Youtube user eharbison)

Dominoes with Coins:

(From Youtube user guyolicheech)

Dominoes, Japanese-style:

(From Youtube user LondonboYEnsor)

This Video Will Freak You Out And Blow Your Mind

For your enjoyment - An optical illusion from a paper carving:


His head is real, but his head movement is not.

[Via Eatnineghost]

The Art of Base Jumping

As a kid, I often dreamed about skydiving after I watched terrible movies like "Terminal Velocity" and "Drop Zone." I still hope to do it some day.

However, it wasn't long before I discovered another sport that I found far more compelling: Base jumping.

According to Wikipedia, "Base" is actually an acronym that stands for four categories of objects from which people typically jump.

• Building
• Antenna (an uninhabited tower such as an aerial mast)
• Span (a bridge or arch)
• Earth (a cliff or other natural formation)

Base jumping is much more dangerous than sky diving for 3 main reasons:

1) Because the relative distance they fall is so much smaller, base jumpers often don't achieve terminal velocity, which makes it harder for their parachutes to open when deployed.
2) Because base jumping can sometimes take place in densely populated areas, finding a good place to land can sometimes be a bigger challenge.
3) Because base jumpers by definition jump off of a fixed object, there's a potential risk of coming into physical content with the object (E.g. a cliff face or building).

Anyway, here's some videos. I found the second one particularly awesome. Enjoy :)

Incredible video by freefall cinematographer Edgar Kraus -

(From Youtube user Base885)

Extreme base jumping
Uploaded by base30

(From Youtube user badpingoin)


(From Youtube user ninja)


(From Youtube user rob86879)

How can wing suits look so silly and yet be so awesome at the same time? -

(Youtube user unclecharlie95)

BONUS: Video of someone trying to recreate the "Goldeneye" bungie jump (one of my favorite 007 opening stunts):

(from youtube user rahulunlimited)